Learning to say NO! (Breaking the curse of the people pleaser)

Hey guys!

I'm back with a new post, and this one is titled learning to say no!
Now I am definitely a people pleaser, I can deny it all I want but it is evident that displeasing people makes me uncomfortable so even when it's not something i quite want to do I find myself going along with it just because i find saying no a bigger deal than it really is. consequently, I find myself in a lot of situations where I'm like 'what the hell am i doing here' 'this was a terrible idea' 'can I just sneak out'.

If you're a people pleaser as well, this will sound familiar. Well today I decided I'm going to break that habit and believe me you will too. Gone are the days when you will accept invitations/proposals out of fear of hurting the other persons feelings.

1. You have one life, it's yours not theirs so whatever choices you make in it are 100% yours. 
Nobody and I mean nobody has a right to make your life choices for you, unless you're making theirs for them which as a people pleaser i highly doubt you are. Do you want to spend most of your life regretting doing things you never wanted to do? No you don't, so don't do things you never wanted to do.

2. It's not rude to say NO!
often times you may get scared that saying no may come across as rude, but trust me it really isn't. you only have 24 hours in a day, at least 6 of those are spent with you sleeping, you simply don't have the time to take on commitments you're not committed to. A reasonable person would understand this. As long as you decline politely, it is not rude and they will respect you more for having a plan to which you stick to.

3. Recognise that sometimes people will try to manipulate you.
There are people who when they become aware that you always say yes, will always use this to their advantage even if it's to your detriment. Weed this people out and make a point of saying no to them. People who always ask you for things aren't necessarily bad or selfish people, they're just people with their own best interests at heart. so why don't you reciprocate and have your own best interests too.

4. Be firm!
Don't say maybe when you really mean no,all that does is prolong the disappointment period. Don't say yes then later just disappear, it makes you look unreliable and flaky. Do not leave any room for them to try and change your mind, if you say 'I'm sorry I'm busy this week', they could then suggest next week. if its something you really don't want to do, don't leave gaps for them to change your mind. state firmly then apologise.


5. Basically remember its your life and you will have to live whatever consequences may arise. It's okay to be a little selfish sometimes. ask yourself these questions if you're ever indecisive:
-am I actually the best person to do this job?
-do I actually have time to do this or will I be sacrificing something important to me?
-does this add any value to my life?

If the answer to all three is no, then repeat that same answer to the person asking,

Make sure you comment and share the post and make sure you subscribe to the Blog.

Until next time,
Blessing
xxxx

Regrets, Regrets, Regrets! Dealing with Regret!

Firstly let me apologise for my MIA  movements, I have been away too long I'm aware, but I'm hopefully back now Got a Jollof rice recipe coming up and a belated Easter post but before all of that, I wanted to make a quick post about something that's been hitting very close to home recently.




Regrets! I think this is one of the most common issues  people have to deal with and it's something I've had to deal with this past couple of weeks. Sometimes in life you do something that you wish with all your might that you could take back, something you regret and wish you hadn't done. It can range from a small thing like lying to a friend, to cheating to quitting your job to something big like killing someone. (I really hope you didn't kill anyone.) But you get the gist, some actions you take in life are irreversible and you will forever be forced to live with their consequences.

Herego, the situation I'm in now. But in the midst of my revelry( I hope I used that word right) and wallowing and wishing I could take back what I did, I came up with some thoughts that really helped me through and made me feel better about dealing with the Regrets. So I thought I would share them with you.

1. It's okay to mess up.
You're a human being and naturally by nature, human beings are fallible. You will make plenty of mistakes in your lifetime. I'm sure this wasn't the first time and believe me when I tell you it won't be the last time either, try not to beat yourself up too much.

2. Whatever was meant to happen, happened.
As Cliché as it may be, everything genuinely does happen for a reason, Nothing ever happens that wasn't supposed to, I can't tell you the reason why and you may actually never know the reason. As a matter of fact, the reason may just be that you were stupid and made a mistake but that in itself is a reason.

3. You can always learn from it.
Back to my 'big regret' again. When I got past all the being upset and what not, I actually realised that I have definitely learnt from this experience and it has definitely made me wiser for the future. Mistakes and regrets are definitely one way in which we learn, a brutal way, I'll give you that, but by God do we learn.

There are many more words I could tell you but ultimately you just have to pick yourself up and deal with the fact that what's done is done. You cannot rewind time nor sumo-dive back into the past. So leave the past where it belongs and focus on making better decisions tomorrow.

And remember, that you are never alone. Make  sure you talk to someone, nothing brought me out of the misery I was in quicker than having friends who care so much about me there to support and encourage me.

Until next time...
Blessing
xxx

Perfect Imperfections- It's okay to be 'Messed up'

Hey Guys,

Happy belated valentines day...I hope you had a great time, I know I certainly did. But in the spirit of relationships, it got me thinking.

There's a certain someone I was seeing and when I was getting to know them, I kept finding out all these things about them and their past and I remember my first thought being 'Damn, they've got a lot of baggage, can I handle that?' And it did genuinely occur to me that maybe I was better off without this person;s drama.

Then I took a step back and thought but wait a minute..I'm not perfect myself! I have a past, especially ones that make me put up walls and guards and push people away even when their intentions are good. I have attitudes and behaviours that make it hard to get to me. If someone can look past all of my 'baggage' and willing make an attempt to get to know me, who am I to write someone off because of theirs.

Basically, no one is perfect, no one comes into our lives free from strings of past attachments, or emotional drama or problems. Everyone has some issues they;re dealing with, granted some people more than others and maybe some people know how to hide it more than others. Nevertheless the fact that someone has baggage doesn't mean your relationship need be any less amazing. Sometimes broken pieces can fit perfectly.

Maybe you're that someone that person needs, the ray of sunshine in their otherwise dreary life, maybe the both of you coming together can lift some of the baggage from them and make their lives happier and freer. The point is you never know until you look past your judgemental attitude and give them a chance.

The next time you're tempted to say 'They've got too much baggage, think to yourself, Am I really perfect myself?

After all We;re all a little messed up...That's the joy of life. If we were all perfect and there was nothing wrong with us, life would be a whole lot easier but way more boring. It;s the messed up part of us that makes life more interesting

and fulfilling.

Modelling Scams! Beware!

Guess who's back??

Hey Guys, so yes it has been a while, and I know this post won't be relevant to all of you but if  you have any sisters, girlfriends, friends who are or trying to get into modelling, this may be useful for them.

Basically, I have been the victim of unlimited, uncountable instances of this trend. The thing is I'm just about 5,7 and I have the kind of body shape which although draws plenty attention in the club is not exactly what the modelling world would call perfect. Basically I'm not tall and slim, so I should have known becoming a model would not be easy but in my naive mind when they told me I was gorgeous and this and that, I let myself believe the lies and that is all they are...Lies!

There are now 'modelling agencies' everywhere who will post an ad on gumtree, the internet, or even have websites where you send in a picture of you and they call you telling you you're everything they want and they will get you plenty of jobs. Sounds great right? No, they tell you they have so many jobs lined up only for them to tell you  you just need a portfolio first. Magically they always have their own personal photographer that YOU have to use because they never trust anybody else. Long story short, you go for some crappy photo-shoot, you pay over money and you never hear from them again.

I have been subject to so many of these, I feel so ashamed to even tell you how much, having spent over £1200. All I ended up with was a bunch of pictures that each new 'agency' would say is not professional enough. 

1. You never need to pay to join a reputable modelling agency. If you have to pay, think twice.

2. It is more likely that modelling agencies will discover you themselves, if you had to send your picture in to some dodgy website, think twice.

3. scope the environment when you go in...if it looks unprofessional and it's just 2 or 3 people in a warehouse office, think would a reputable agency capable of getting me loads of work have such a crap office. 

4. Portfolio is not built in a day, all you need are some good natural head shots and poses to sell yourself. Portfolios are supposed to show your versatility, this wont be portrayed through just one shoot.

Basically just be careful, if someone is offering you something which seems to good to be true, chances are it is actually too good to be true.  
There are so many of these scam agencies in London especially but also in Manchester, feel free to hit me up, I'll gladly give you their names. 
Better to be rejected from a reputable company than swindled by these fortune hunting scammers.



 I put in some of the pictures I ended up in various photoshoots, they were never good enough and I always had to take some new ones.

The 'I don't want a relationship' excuse AKA The Commitment Phobe

Hey Guys!

So I'm back on youtubing again!!! I started it way back when but just got lazy cause it requires so much effort but as part of my NY resolution, I'm back and I've already posted a new video. I'll leave the link below and make sure to check me out. Like, comment and subscribe.

So, we all know that guy/girl right, you're seeing them, everything is going well, you think this could be going somewhere, then they drop that 'I'm just not ready for a relationship' line. This line can come in various forms, for example:

I don't want a relationship right now...if I did, it would deffo be with you, I just don't.

I'm too busy with school/work/mymusic, and a relationship would distract me

I'm still hurting from my last relationship (this was about 2 years ago) and I don't want to jump in another one.

It doesn't matter how it's phrased, the bottom line is the person wants to have the benefits of a relationship with you but they don't want to be in a relationship with you. What do I advice?

RUN! RUN NOW! Don't put on your shoes, don't take your bag, just run. Only 1 in 35 people who use this excuse mean it. (I made that up but still), the other 34 are selling you dreams.  (Lying). Men are hunters by nature, when they see something, they go for it, they won't waste time faffing around because he won't want anyone to get a chance to have you. Work is not an excuse because nobody works 24/7, past relationships are not good enough if there has been sufficient time between them.

Girls also know what they want, and they wont play around with a guy that they want because they know there are plenty single girls out there waiting to take him so if she's claiming she's not ready, boy RUN!

When they're saying I don't want a relationship, what they really mean, is I don't want a relationship with YOU, trust me when someone meets someone they REALLY like, they will not hesitate in cuffing them immediately. Don't be the girl/guy who stuck around and waited for someone to be ready just to find out he met someone he finally decided he could commit to and asked her out straight away.

If someone says they have a fear of commitment, do this simple test to see if it's really true:

1. Do they have a phone contract (that about 2 yearsthere) if he can enter a 2 year commitment then why cant he commit to you? He doesn't want to!
2. Does he support a football team. Football fans are LOYAL! their team will lose every game of the season and they'll still be loyal. He has the ability to commit. just not to you.

Just remember Beyonce, Obama, Chris Brown all have 'busy' lives and they can still manage to find time to be in a relationship so what position exactly does this guy/girl hold? My dear don't be a learner!

Ofc these are my opinions based on my experiences and you may have a different view so feel free to comment below and tell me what you think.

Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCC9JtJa-GnrWhB58Kbhbe3g

Why making people jealous never really works!

Hey Guys,

So I'm going to tell you a short story:

There was a girl and a boy, they liked each other,

started getting to know each other and started seeing each other,

one day they were together in a big group of friends,

Their relationship wasn't official yet so the guy didn't show any affection towards her,

he treated her like every other girl in the room,

she didn't like this so went to her room with his friend to talk,

it was purely friendly and their conversation was platonic

but she knew in the back of her mind, he would be disturbed.

When they came downstairs, she could see he was miffed,

but she acted cool, as if nothing was amiss,

he acted cool too and they started speaking again.

Only for her to find him being inappropriate with another girl,

she told him what she had saw and he reminded her she had just been upstairs with his friend,

making her think he wanted her to see him with another girl and feel the way he previously felt. 

In order to get back at him, she called another guy in his earshot

laughing and giggling, making his head turn.

The next time they went out as a group, he kissed another girl,

Right in front of her, he made the girl twirl.

Humiliated and embarrassed, the girl vowed she was done.

Believing he had only wanted her for fun.

Their relationship deteriorated and what was once sweet, became bitter. 

There is a break in the story because everything after that break was fictitious, everything before it are true life events. I put the fictitious paragraph in to tell you how quickly something that started off platonic and harmless could escalate in you losing the chance to have something real.

When you try to make people jealous, it doesn't work because 9 times out of 10 (made up statistic), they only try to make you jealous too and so the cycle begins until one of you ends up going too far and hurting the other person. Pride then kicks in, preventing you from addressing the original situation. 

You end up playing the blame game, you did this, yes because you did this, yes but that was only because you did this. When you could've spent all that time you spent arguing, being with each other. Of course there is also the possibility that the person doesn't even get jealous and instead just decides you're not worth it. In which case you find yourself in a lose-lose situation.

The point of the post? When you feel the urge to make someone jealous, think to yourself 'is it really worth it? If he retaliated, would I be able to handle it or would it hurt me more than I would be willing to admit? If you're the one on the receiving ends of these antics, rather than retaliate, why not tackle them first and let them know what they did wasn't right?

Comment below what you think and don't forget to share and subscribe.

Remember to Guard your heart Guys!

A Thin Line Between Love and Hate!

Hey Guys!

So me and my house mate decided to watch a movie yesterday and she chose the movie 'A thin line between love and hate' featuring Martin Lawrence as  the main lead. (SPOILER ALERT)

A quick synopsis of the movie is that Lawrence is a player and he has many girls none of which he's particularly committed to. but he has a childhood friend that appears to be some sort of romantic interest. One day him and his friends sees a beautiful woman and they bet that he couldn't sleep with her. ($20- really??). Anyway, he keeps trying but it's clear she has issues so he pretends to lose interest, so she calls him back and tells him that she can't get hurt again and that can she trust him and does he love her? He says yes and makes her believe he's here to stay. Half way through she tells him she killed her ex-husband because he was abusive and rather than run for the hills like a normal human, he decides to stay and continue his nefarious antics. The next day she takes him shopping, buys him a new car, new clothes and tells him to come for dinner cause it's her birthday, rather than do this, he proclaims his love for his childhood friend, They spend the night together and he wakes up to find a cake with a knife with it outside the door. Long story short, they go on a crazy whirlwind where she almost kills him and the rest of the cast ofthe movie.

I know my brief description wasn't that brief, but here's the point of this post.
1. It is undeniable that she had some strong psychological issues but I will never understand how he could possibly think nothing was going to come of the way he treated her. You CHASED her for weeks, MADE her fall for you, made her trust you, sleep with her then turn around and decide now you wanna be serious with someone else then you wonder why they hell she went crazy. In my opinion that was HIS fault. She gave him a warning. How can someone tell you they killed their ex-husband and you stay in their bed? How is that normal? Where are your survival instincts?

2. In the end, they were thanking God for him having survived and making her out like she was wrong all along. But I personally think, what he did was GRAVELY  wrong, why should he not only not have to pay any consequences for it but also get the girl of his dreams. She did nothing but mind her business, yet he shattered her world with a bag of lies but in the end, she lost everything and the movie made it seem like Lawrence was the hero in all of this.

3. It took her having a gun to his head for him to finally apologise for the disgusting way in which he treated her. He didn't apologise when he told her he didn't want her, he didn't apologise when she saw him with someone else. He was just going to up and leave out of a psychotic woman's life. Rookie Mistake. The least he could have done was say the words sorry and the fact that he didn't think to do that till she almost blew his head off just added salt to injury.

My main point is so many Guys nowadays are walking around with this Martin Lawrence attitude. Treating girls anyhow and thinking ahh well, they'll be just fine. If they're not careful, they may just end up with a reality check like this crazy woman.

Leave your comments below,
What is your opinion?