Learning to say NO! (Breaking the curse of the people pleaser)

Hey guys!

I'm back with a new post, and this one is titled learning to say no!
Now I am definitely a people pleaser, I can deny it all I want but it is evident that displeasing people makes me uncomfortable so even when it's not something i quite want to do I find myself going along with it just because i find saying no a bigger deal than it really is. consequently, I find myself in a lot of situations where I'm like 'what the hell am i doing here' 'this was a terrible idea' 'can I just sneak out'.

If you're a people pleaser as well, this will sound familiar. Well today I decided I'm going to break that habit and believe me you will too. Gone are the days when you will accept invitations/proposals out of fear of hurting the other persons feelings.

1. You have one life, it's yours not theirs so whatever choices you make in it are 100% yours. 
Nobody and I mean nobody has a right to make your life choices for you, unless you're making theirs for them which as a people pleaser i highly doubt you are. Do you want to spend most of your life regretting doing things you never wanted to do? No you don't, so don't do things you never wanted to do.

2. It's not rude to say NO!
often times you may get scared that saying no may come across as rude, but trust me it really isn't. you only have 24 hours in a day, at least 6 of those are spent with you sleeping, you simply don't have the time to take on commitments you're not committed to. A reasonable person would understand this. As long as you decline politely, it is not rude and they will respect you more for having a plan to which you stick to.

3. Recognise that sometimes people will try to manipulate you.
There are people who when they become aware that you always say yes, will always use this to their advantage even if it's to your detriment. Weed this people out and make a point of saying no to them. People who always ask you for things aren't necessarily bad or selfish people, they're just people with their own best interests at heart. so why don't you reciprocate and have your own best interests too.

4. Be firm!
Don't say maybe when you really mean no,all that does is prolong the disappointment period. Don't say yes then later just disappear, it makes you look unreliable and flaky. Do not leave any room for them to try and change your mind, if you say 'I'm sorry I'm busy this week', they could then suggest next week. if its something you really don't want to do, don't leave gaps for them to change your mind. state firmly then apologise.


5. Basically remember its your life and you will have to live whatever consequences may arise. It's okay to be a little selfish sometimes. ask yourself these questions if you're ever indecisive:
-am I actually the best person to do this job?
-do I actually have time to do this or will I be sacrificing something important to me?
-does this add any value to my life?

If the answer to all three is no, then repeat that same answer to the person asking,

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Until next time,
Blessing
xxxx

Regrets, Regrets, Regrets! Dealing with Regret!

Firstly let me apologise for my MIA  movements, I have been away too long I'm aware, but I'm hopefully back now Got a Jollof rice recipe coming up and a belated Easter post but before all of that, I wanted to make a quick post about something that's been hitting very close to home recently.




Regrets! I think this is one of the most common issues  people have to deal with and it's something I've had to deal with this past couple of weeks. Sometimes in life you do something that you wish with all your might that you could take back, something you regret and wish you hadn't done. It can range from a small thing like lying to a friend, to cheating to quitting your job to something big like killing someone. (I really hope you didn't kill anyone.) But you get the gist, some actions you take in life are irreversible and you will forever be forced to live with their consequences.

Herego, the situation I'm in now. But in the midst of my revelry( I hope I used that word right) and wallowing and wishing I could take back what I did, I came up with some thoughts that really helped me through and made me feel better about dealing with the Regrets. So I thought I would share them with you.

1. It's okay to mess up.
You're a human being and naturally by nature, human beings are fallible. You will make plenty of mistakes in your lifetime. I'm sure this wasn't the first time and believe me when I tell you it won't be the last time either, try not to beat yourself up too much.

2. Whatever was meant to happen, happened.
As Cliché as it may be, everything genuinely does happen for a reason, Nothing ever happens that wasn't supposed to, I can't tell you the reason why and you may actually never know the reason. As a matter of fact, the reason may just be that you were stupid and made a mistake but that in itself is a reason.

3. You can always learn from it.
Back to my 'big regret' again. When I got past all the being upset and what not, I actually realised that I have definitely learnt from this experience and it has definitely made me wiser for the future. Mistakes and regrets are definitely one way in which we learn, a brutal way, I'll give you that, but by God do we learn.

There are many more words I could tell you but ultimately you just have to pick yourself up and deal with the fact that what's done is done. You cannot rewind time nor sumo-dive back into the past. So leave the past where it belongs and focus on making better decisions tomorrow.

And remember, that you are never alone. Make  sure you talk to someone, nothing brought me out of the misery I was in quicker than having friends who care so much about me there to support and encourage me.

Until next time...
Blessing
xxx