I'm back with a new post, and this one is titled learning to say no!
Now I am definitely a people pleaser, I can deny it all I want but it is evident that displeasing people makes me uncomfortable so even when it's not something i quite want to do I find myself going along with it just because i find saying no a bigger deal than it really is. consequently, I find myself in a lot of situations where I'm like 'what the hell am i doing here' 'this was a terrible idea' 'can I just sneak out'.
If you're a people pleaser as well, this will sound familiar. Well today I decided I'm going to break that habit and believe me you will too. Gone are the days when you will accept invitations/proposals out of fear of hurting the other persons feelings.
1. You have one life, it's yours not theirs so whatever choices you make in it are 100% yours.
Nobody and I mean nobody has a right to make your life choices for you, unless you're making theirs for them which as a people pleaser i highly doubt you are. Do you want to spend most of your life regretting doing things you never wanted to do? No you don't, so don't do things you never wanted to do.
2. It's not rude to say NO!
often times you may get scared that saying no may come across as rude, but trust me it really isn't. you only have 24 hours in a day, at least 6 of those are spent with you sleeping, you simply don't have the time to take on commitments you're not committed to. A reasonable person would understand this. As long as you decline politely, it is not rude and they will respect you more for having a plan to which you stick to.
3. Recognise that sometimes people will try to manipulate you.
There are people who when they become aware that you always say yes, will always use this to their advantage even if it's to your detriment. Weed this people out and make a point of saying no to them. People who always ask you for things aren't necessarily bad or selfish people, they're just people with their own best interests at heart. so why don't you reciprocate and have your own best interests too.
4. Be firm!
Don't say maybe when you really mean no,all that does is prolong the disappointment period. Don't say yes then later just disappear, it makes you look unreliable and flaky. Do not leave any room for them to try and change your mind, if you say 'I'm sorry I'm busy this week', they could then suggest next week. if its something you really don't want to do, don't leave gaps for them to change your mind. state firmly then apologise.
5. Basically remember its your life and you will have to live whatever consequences may arise. It's okay to be a little selfish sometimes. ask yourself these questions if you're ever indecisive:
-am I actually the best person to do this job?
-do I actually have time to do this or will I be sacrificing something important to me?
-does this add any value to my life?
If the answer to all three is no, then repeat that same answer to the person asking,
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Until next time,
Blessing
xxxx
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