Regrets, Regrets, Regrets! Dealing with Regret!

Firstly let me apologise for my MIA  movements, I have been away too long I'm aware, but I'm hopefully back now Got a Jollof rice recipe coming up and a belated Easter post but before all of that, I wanted to make a quick post about something that's been hitting very close to home recently.




Regrets! I think this is one of the most common issues  people have to deal with and it's something I've had to deal with this past couple of weeks. Sometimes in life you do something that you wish with all your might that you could take back, something you regret and wish you hadn't done. It can range from a small thing like lying to a friend, to cheating to quitting your job to something big like killing someone. (I really hope you didn't kill anyone.) But you get the gist, some actions you take in life are irreversible and you will forever be forced to live with their consequences.

Herego, the situation I'm in now. But in the midst of my revelry( I hope I used that word right) and wallowing and wishing I could take back what I did, I came up with some thoughts that really helped me through and made me feel better about dealing with the Regrets. So I thought I would share them with you.

1. It's okay to mess up.
You're a human being and naturally by nature, human beings are fallible. You will make plenty of mistakes in your lifetime. I'm sure this wasn't the first time and believe me when I tell you it won't be the last time either, try not to beat yourself up too much.

2. Whatever was meant to happen, happened.
As Cliché as it may be, everything genuinely does happen for a reason, Nothing ever happens that wasn't supposed to, I can't tell you the reason why and you may actually never know the reason. As a matter of fact, the reason may just be that you were stupid and made a mistake but that in itself is a reason.

3. You can always learn from it.
Back to my 'big regret' again. When I got past all the being upset and what not, I actually realised that I have definitely learnt from this experience and it has definitely made me wiser for the future. Mistakes and regrets are definitely one way in which we learn, a brutal way, I'll give you that, but by God do we learn.

There are many more words I could tell you but ultimately you just have to pick yourself up and deal with the fact that what's done is done. You cannot rewind time nor sumo-dive back into the past. So leave the past where it belongs and focus on making better decisions tomorrow.

And remember, that you are never alone. Make  sure you talk to someone, nothing brought me out of the misery I was in quicker than having friends who care so much about me there to support and encourage me.

Until next time...
Blessing
xxx

Perfect Imperfections- It's okay to be 'Messed up'

Hey Guys,

Happy belated valentines day...I hope you had a great time, I know I certainly did. But in the spirit of relationships, it got me thinking.

There's a certain someone I was seeing and when I was getting to know them, I kept finding out all these things about them and their past and I remember my first thought being 'Damn, they've got a lot of baggage, can I handle that?' And it did genuinely occur to me that maybe I was better off without this person;s drama.

Then I took a step back and thought but wait a minute..I'm not perfect myself! I have a past, especially ones that make me put up walls and guards and push people away even when their intentions are good. I have attitudes and behaviours that make it hard to get to me. If someone can look past all of my 'baggage' and willing make an attempt to get to know me, who am I to write someone off because of theirs.

Basically, no one is perfect, no one comes into our lives free from strings of past attachments, or emotional drama or problems. Everyone has some issues they;re dealing with, granted some people more than others and maybe some people know how to hide it more than others. Nevertheless the fact that someone has baggage doesn't mean your relationship need be any less amazing. Sometimes broken pieces can fit perfectly.

Maybe you're that someone that person needs, the ray of sunshine in their otherwise dreary life, maybe the both of you coming together can lift some of the baggage from them and make their lives happier and freer. The point is you never know until you look past your judgemental attitude and give them a chance.

The next time you're tempted to say 'They've got too much baggage, think to yourself, Am I really perfect myself?

After all We;re all a little messed up...That's the joy of life. If we were all perfect and there was nothing wrong with us, life would be a whole lot easier but way more boring. It;s the messed up part of us that makes life more interesting

and fulfilling.

The 'I don't want a relationship' excuse AKA The Commitment Phobe

Hey Guys!

So I'm back on youtubing again!!! I started it way back when but just got lazy cause it requires so much effort but as part of my NY resolution, I'm back and I've already posted a new video. I'll leave the link below and make sure to check me out. Like, comment and subscribe.

So, we all know that guy/girl right, you're seeing them, everything is going well, you think this could be going somewhere, then they drop that 'I'm just not ready for a relationship' line. This line can come in various forms, for example:

I don't want a relationship right now...if I did, it would deffo be with you, I just don't.

I'm too busy with school/work/mymusic, and a relationship would distract me

I'm still hurting from my last relationship (this was about 2 years ago) and I don't want to jump in another one.

It doesn't matter how it's phrased, the bottom line is the person wants to have the benefits of a relationship with you but they don't want to be in a relationship with you. What do I advice?

RUN! RUN NOW! Don't put on your shoes, don't take your bag, just run. Only 1 in 35 people who use this excuse mean it. (I made that up but still), the other 34 are selling you dreams.  (Lying). Men are hunters by nature, when they see something, they go for it, they won't waste time faffing around because he won't want anyone to get a chance to have you. Work is not an excuse because nobody works 24/7, past relationships are not good enough if there has been sufficient time between them.

Girls also know what they want, and they wont play around with a guy that they want because they know there are plenty single girls out there waiting to take him so if she's claiming she's not ready, boy RUN!

When they're saying I don't want a relationship, what they really mean, is I don't want a relationship with YOU, trust me when someone meets someone they REALLY like, they will not hesitate in cuffing them immediately. Don't be the girl/guy who stuck around and waited for someone to be ready just to find out he met someone he finally decided he could commit to and asked her out straight away.

If someone says they have a fear of commitment, do this simple test to see if it's really true:

1. Do they have a phone contract (that about 2 yearsthere) if he can enter a 2 year commitment then why cant he commit to you? He doesn't want to!
2. Does he support a football team. Football fans are LOYAL! their team will lose every game of the season and they'll still be loyal. He has the ability to commit. just not to you.

Just remember Beyonce, Obama, Chris Brown all have 'busy' lives and they can still manage to find time to be in a relationship so what position exactly does this guy/girl hold? My dear don't be a learner!

Ofc these are my opinions based on my experiences and you may have a different view so feel free to comment below and tell me what you think.

Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCC9JtJa-GnrWhB58Kbhbe3g

Why making people jealous never really works!

Hey Guys,

So I'm going to tell you a short story:

There was a girl and a boy, they liked each other,

started getting to know each other and started seeing each other,

one day they were together in a big group of friends,

Their relationship wasn't official yet so the guy didn't show any affection towards her,

he treated her like every other girl in the room,

she didn't like this so went to her room with his friend to talk,

it was purely friendly and their conversation was platonic

but she knew in the back of her mind, he would be disturbed.

When they came downstairs, she could see he was miffed,

but she acted cool, as if nothing was amiss,

he acted cool too and they started speaking again.

Only for her to find him being inappropriate with another girl,

she told him what she had saw and he reminded her she had just been upstairs with his friend,

making her think he wanted her to see him with another girl and feel the way he previously felt. 

In order to get back at him, she called another guy in his earshot

laughing and giggling, making his head turn.

The next time they went out as a group, he kissed another girl,

Right in front of her, he made the girl twirl.

Humiliated and embarrassed, the girl vowed she was done.

Believing he had only wanted her for fun.

Their relationship deteriorated and what was once sweet, became bitter. 

There is a break in the story because everything after that break was fictitious, everything before it are true life events. I put the fictitious paragraph in to tell you how quickly something that started off platonic and harmless could escalate in you losing the chance to have something real.

When you try to make people jealous, it doesn't work because 9 times out of 10 (made up statistic), they only try to make you jealous too and so the cycle begins until one of you ends up going too far and hurting the other person. Pride then kicks in, preventing you from addressing the original situation. 

You end up playing the blame game, you did this, yes because you did this, yes but that was only because you did this. When you could've spent all that time you spent arguing, being with each other. Of course there is also the possibility that the person doesn't even get jealous and instead just decides you're not worth it. In which case you find yourself in a lose-lose situation.

The point of the post? When you feel the urge to make someone jealous, think to yourself 'is it really worth it? If he retaliated, would I be able to handle it or would it hurt me more than I would be willing to admit? If you're the one on the receiving ends of these antics, rather than retaliate, why not tackle them first and let them know what they did wasn't right?

Comment below what you think and don't forget to share and subscribe.

Remember to Guard your heart Guys!

Why Men Lie!

Exactly one year ago, the first guy I met at university told me he didn't mean everything he had ever said to me and that he wanted to be with the girl he cheated on me with.

About an hour ago the most recent guy I met at university told me he never meant anything he ever said to me and that he had more feelings for the girl he cheated on with me.

Funnily enough, the content of their lies were quite similar, the usual bs about wanting to make me their wife, having found a respectable girl to take home, yardie yardie ya. A bunch of lies that when push came to shove, they were quick to denounce.

So my question is why did they feel the need to lie in the first place. What possesses them to think telling a lie will work out in the long run better than telling the truth. You know what I believe? You are never wrong for wanting what you want. These guys wanted to be players, they wanted to play the field, they didn't want to be tied down to one girl and if that is genuinely what they want, no one can judge them for it. What is wrong is not giving someone to choose to be a part of that.

If you want to have 3 girls on the go, by all means do that. If you want to have a friend with benefit, by all means do that. Just don't take away my choice to decide if I want to be a part of that or not by lying to me. Neither of these guys told me the truth, and what hurt the most in both situations is not that they didn't really want to be with me but that they lied to me, told me they saw a future with me. Watched me fall for them and let down my guard only to turn around and be like....I didn't mean what I said. The last guy was particularly beastly....He even told me there was no reason for lying to me, he just did it. If that's not the devil himself speaking I don't know what is.

In conclusion, I know the title suggests I have a reason for why men lie but the truth is I have no idea. The only sort of conclusion I can come to is that men don't lie. Boys do! It's only boys that try and manipulate the situation to get their way. Men don't have to lie because they generally know what they want and go after it. 

I would never judge you for wanting what you want. But when you rob me off the choice to decide if I want to be a part of it..then that's when I get mad.

Remember to guard your heart guys.

PS: This experience made me so much stronger though and I definitely learnt ALOT! So I guess it wasn't all negative.

Actions speak louder than words: Consistency

Hey Guys,
I've been meaning to write for so long because sooo much drama has been going on with my life but I just haven't been able to. At some point, I will update you but in the mean time there is a topic that has been reoccurring in my life and I wanted to share it with you guys. Firstly here is a quote:

'He may love you. He probably does. He probably thinks about you all the time. But that isn't what matters. What matters is what he is doing about it, and what he's doing about it is nothing. And if he is doing nothing, you most certainly shouldn't do anything. You need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life.'

Yes, this is very specific to relationships but the message behind this is clear; pay attention to what people do, not what they say. In my all my years on earth, in my dealings with boys, friends and the human race in general, the one thing I have noticed is that what people say and what people actually do can sometimes be WORLD apart.

The phrase 'easier said than done' springs to mind. It's an easy thing to say something, to make declarations, tell someone you like them, tell someone you'll help them out with something, actually going through with it on the other hand requires sacrifice and effort, many things a lot of people just aren't willing to give.

The point of this post? It's not just enough to rely and take at face value what someone says, most likely than not, it is an expression of what they want to say/be not necessarily who they are, watch their actions and make your decisions based on that.

At the same time make sure what you say and what you do align. Be a woman/man of your world. There's no need to go through life sending mixed messages and proclaiming things that are just not true or your true intentions. It messes people up and paints a negative image of you.

I know sometimes it's hard because you assume that
just because you mean everything you say other people do to but that's just not the case. Don't forget to Guard your heart!!

I'm sorry they're not sorry!

So you're probably thinking what an odd title for this post aye?

Well the thing is often-times in life people are going to hurt you or wrong you in some way. Naturally when someone hurts or wrongs someone, the normal reaction is to apologize (whether they mean it or not is another issue) but generally when someone has been caught out in the wrong they apologize, it's just the right thing to do. Right?

Surprisingly that isn't always the case. I suppose what spurred this post is that I was thinking about this person in my recent past who HURT me like crazy. Like when I say this person hurt me, they H-U-R-T me. I wasn't just hurt though, I was humiliated, embarrassed, deceived, any more negative adjectives you can think of! Yet later when I ran into this person, they acted as if nothing had happened, they smiled and talked to me as if the past few months had just been in my head. (Seriously, they had me questioning whether I had dreamt up the whole thing.) 

Naturally I expected them to apologize for treating me like a dirty handkerchief (best analogy I could think of) but they didn't and that threw me. I didn't know what to do at that point. Was I supposed to just forgive them irrespective of the fact they clearly didn't ask nor want my forgiveness, or was i supposed to remain hurt and wronged until such time as they came round to apologizing. (It increasingly became clear I would be waiting for this till my afro turned grey). For a long time I held on to resentment, ever ready to spew how i truly felt at them whenever they eventually came to apologize. (My pride had me thinking this day was going to come real soon.)

But then at a point I realized I was just hurting myself. I can't refuse to let go of the situation merely because they could not be mature enough to apologize and own up to their wrongs. You need to realize that in life you won't always get an apology when you're wronged. Your job is to learn to move on regardless. Don't spend your whole life waiting for an apology that may never come. You may just wake up one day realising that you've lived a bitter life holding on to the pain caused by someone who probably didn't care enough to apologize for the dastardly way they treated you.

Learn to accept the apology you never got! If you have to apologize to yourself on their behalf do so, but don't cling to pain and resentment in the hope of getting an apology that will bring closure. Create your own closure. I apologize for all the hurt and heartbreak and sleepless nights, and wounded pride you had to ensure because one ashawo bastard wanted to do baby boy(nigerian terminology there) but don't let that stop you being open and receptive to love. 

Don't forget to guard your heart guys!!