You're Not Responsible For Other People!

Hey Guys,

I know what you're going to say, where the hell have i been? That's a good question but we don't have time to get into it on this post! I also have a stir fry recipe coming up for you but in the meantime, i wanted to come and quickly talk about what's been on my mind for a while.

Lately I've found myself being super concerned with other people and the choices they make with their lives. If someone claims they're a christian but their actions and words don't really display such i get super concerned and start trying to figure out why, or if someone does or believes something that i absolutely strongly disagree with, i ponder about it for a long time wondering why? But I recently realized that It's none of my damn business! People are free to think and do whatever the hell they please, it has nothing to do with me. Part of the fact that we're individuals is that we can think the way we want and do what we want. We may not necessarily agree with someone's choice or think they're doing something good, but we're not responsible for them. Its not our job to police other people and their actions. Do you and what you think is right and let others do what they think is right.

We don't have to get all up in arms about other people's chocies and way of thinking. In the end, time will reveal all. In as much as we may want the best for our friends and the people around us, we're not responsible for them.

I don't know if you completely understand my point in this post cause it's something I'm struggling with myself but comment down below if you do! And i will see you guys hopefully soon!

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Love you xx

Don't take it Personally!

Hey Guys,

I feel like I'm forever apologising for being MIA but sorry for not posting in a while. I've been meaning to post as there are quite a few experiences to share with you. But this one first.

Don't take it personal! Ever! You're probably wondering what I'm on about now. What I mean is that sometimes in life you expect certain people to be there for you. You swear by anything that whatever happens they will always have your back and you convince yourself that they are the one person in the world that can never let you down. (ha!) That is the biggest mistake you can possibly make because nobody is perfect. As long as they're human beings, they will always let you down. Maybe intentionally, maybe accidentally. Maybe they're going through their own crap and don't even realise what you're going through. Whatever the reason, my advice to you is not to take it personally.

It's not always about you and if you get upset every time

someone you expect to be there for you isn't, you end up giving yourself high blood pressure or hypertension or whatever because you will constantly be disappointed. Just think to yourself whenever you're in that situation, no they wasn't there for me in this particular instance but does that erase all the times they have been there for you in the past, or the times they could be in the future. Because somebody lets you down now doesn't mean they don't care about you or that it was a direct attack to you. Sometimes the person just made a mistake. Let them know how you feel if it bothers you that much and move on with your life.

Lesson #2
Which brings me to my second lesson of the post which is that you should learn to be strong for yourself. Stop relying on other people to be there for you in difficult situations because as you seen, they aren't alwas there. Nobody can care about you in the way that you can care about yourself so stop expecting them to. If you need someone to hold you, hold yourself, if you need advice, advice yourself. Whatever you are looking for in someone else, I guarantee you can provide for yourself. It will save you a lot of heartache in the future.

Until next time,
Blessing xx

Why Men Lie!

Exactly one year ago, the first guy I met at university told me he didn't mean everything he had ever said to me and that he wanted to be with the girl he cheated on me with.

About an hour ago the most recent guy I met at university told me he never meant anything he ever said to me and that he had more feelings for the girl he cheated on with me.

Funnily enough, the content of their lies were quite similar, the usual bs about wanting to make me their wife, having found a respectable girl to take home, yardie yardie ya. A bunch of lies that when push came to shove, they were quick to denounce.

So my question is why did they feel the need to lie in the first place. What possesses them to think telling a lie will work out in the long run better than telling the truth. You know what I believe? You are never wrong for wanting what you want. These guys wanted to be players, they wanted to play the field, they didn't want to be tied down to one girl and if that is genuinely what they want, no one can judge them for it. What is wrong is not giving someone to choose to be a part of that.

If you want to have 3 girls on the go, by all means do that. If you want to have a friend with benefit, by all means do that. Just don't take away my choice to decide if I want to be a part of that or not by lying to me. Neither of these guys told me the truth, and what hurt the most in both situations is not that they didn't really want to be with me but that they lied to me, told me they saw a future with me. Watched me fall for them and let down my guard only to turn around and be like....I didn't mean what I said. The last guy was particularly beastly....He even told me there was no reason for lying to me, he just did it. If that's not the devil himself speaking I don't know what is.

In conclusion, I know the title suggests I have a reason for why men lie but the truth is I have no idea. The only sort of conclusion I can come to is that men don't lie. Boys do! It's only boys that try and manipulate the situation to get their way. Men don't have to lie because they generally know what they want and go after it. 

I would never judge you for wanting what you want. But when you rob me off the choice to decide if I want to be a part of it..then that's when I get mad.

Remember to guard your heart guys.

PS: This experience made me so much stronger though and I definitely learnt ALOT! So I guess it wasn't all negative.

Actions speak louder than words: Consistency

Hey Guys,
I've been meaning to write for so long because sooo much drama has been going on with my life but I just haven't been able to. At some point, I will update you but in the mean time there is a topic that has been reoccurring in my life and I wanted to share it with you guys. Firstly here is a quote:

'He may love you. He probably does. He probably thinks about you all the time. But that isn't what matters. What matters is what he is doing about it, and what he's doing about it is nothing. And if he is doing nothing, you most certainly shouldn't do anything. You need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life.'

Yes, this is very specific to relationships but the message behind this is clear; pay attention to what people do, not what they say. In my all my years on earth, in my dealings with boys, friends and the human race in general, the one thing I have noticed is that what people say and what people actually do can sometimes be WORLD apart.

The phrase 'easier said than done' springs to mind. It's an easy thing to say something, to make declarations, tell someone you like them, tell someone you'll help them out with something, actually going through with it on the other hand requires sacrifice and effort, many things a lot of people just aren't willing to give.

The point of this post? It's not just enough to rely and take at face value what someone says, most likely than not, it is an expression of what they want to say/be not necessarily who they are, watch their actions and make your decisions based on that.

At the same time make sure what you say and what you do align. Be a woman/man of your world. There's no need to go through life sending mixed messages and proclaiming things that are just not true or your true intentions. It messes people up and paints a negative image of you.

I know sometimes it's hard because you assume that
just because you mean everything you say other people do to but that's just not the case. Don't forget to Guard your heart!!

I'm sorry they're not sorry!

So you're probably thinking what an odd title for this post aye?

Well the thing is often-times in life people are going to hurt you or wrong you in some way. Naturally when someone hurts or wrongs someone, the normal reaction is to apologize (whether they mean it or not is another issue) but generally when someone has been caught out in the wrong they apologize, it's just the right thing to do. Right?

Surprisingly that isn't always the case. I suppose what spurred this post is that I was thinking about this person in my recent past who HURT me like crazy. Like when I say this person hurt me, they H-U-R-T me. I wasn't just hurt though, I was humiliated, embarrassed, deceived, any more negative adjectives you can think of! Yet later when I ran into this person, they acted as if nothing had happened, they smiled and talked to me as if the past few months had just been in my head. (Seriously, they had me questioning whether I had dreamt up the whole thing.) 

Naturally I expected them to apologize for treating me like a dirty handkerchief (best analogy I could think of) but they didn't and that threw me. I didn't know what to do at that point. Was I supposed to just forgive them irrespective of the fact they clearly didn't ask nor want my forgiveness, or was i supposed to remain hurt and wronged until such time as they came round to apologizing. (It increasingly became clear I would be waiting for this till my afro turned grey). For a long time I held on to resentment, ever ready to spew how i truly felt at them whenever they eventually came to apologize. (My pride had me thinking this day was going to come real soon.)

But then at a point I realized I was just hurting myself. I can't refuse to let go of the situation merely because they could not be mature enough to apologize and own up to their wrongs. You need to realize that in life you won't always get an apology when you're wronged. Your job is to learn to move on regardless. Don't spend your whole life waiting for an apology that may never come. You may just wake up one day realising that you've lived a bitter life holding on to the pain caused by someone who probably didn't care enough to apologize for the dastardly way they treated you.

Learn to accept the apology you never got! If you have to apologize to yourself on their behalf do so, but don't cling to pain and resentment in the hope of getting an apology that will bring closure. Create your own closure. I apologize for all the hurt and heartbreak and sleepless nights, and wounded pride you had to ensure because one ashawo bastard wanted to do baby boy(nigerian terminology there) but don't let that stop you being open and receptive to love. 

Don't forget to guard your heart guys!!