Don't take it Personally!

Hey Guys,

I feel like I'm forever apologising for being MIA but sorry for not posting in a while. I've been meaning to post as there are quite a few experiences to share with you. But this one first.

Don't take it personal! Ever! You're probably wondering what I'm on about now. What I mean is that sometimes in life you expect certain people to be there for you. You swear by anything that whatever happens they will always have your back and you convince yourself that they are the one person in the world that can never let you down. (ha!) That is the biggest mistake you can possibly make because nobody is perfect. As long as they're human beings, they will always let you down. Maybe intentionally, maybe accidentally. Maybe they're going through their own crap and don't even realise what you're going through. Whatever the reason, my advice to you is not to take it personally.

It's not always about you and if you get upset every time

someone you expect to be there for you isn't, you end up giving yourself high blood pressure or hypertension or whatever because you will constantly be disappointed. Just think to yourself whenever you're in that situation, no they wasn't there for me in this particular instance but does that erase all the times they have been there for you in the past, or the times they could be in the future. Because somebody lets you down now doesn't mean they don't care about you or that it was a direct attack to you. Sometimes the person just made a mistake. Let them know how you feel if it bothers you that much and move on with your life.

Lesson #2
Which brings me to my second lesson of the post which is that you should learn to be strong for yourself. Stop relying on other people to be there for you in difficult situations because as you seen, they aren't alwas there. Nobody can care about you in the way that you can care about yourself so stop expecting them to. If you need someone to hold you, hold yourself, if you need advice, advice yourself. Whatever you are looking for in someone else, I guarantee you can provide for yourself. It will save you a lot of heartache in the future.

Until next time,
Blessing xx

I'm sorry they're not sorry!

So you're probably thinking what an odd title for this post aye?

Well the thing is often-times in life people are going to hurt you or wrong you in some way. Naturally when someone hurts or wrongs someone, the normal reaction is to apologize (whether they mean it or not is another issue) but generally when someone has been caught out in the wrong they apologize, it's just the right thing to do. Right?

Surprisingly that isn't always the case. I suppose what spurred this post is that I was thinking about this person in my recent past who HURT me like crazy. Like when I say this person hurt me, they H-U-R-T me. I wasn't just hurt though, I was humiliated, embarrassed, deceived, any more negative adjectives you can think of! Yet later when I ran into this person, they acted as if nothing had happened, they smiled and talked to me as if the past few months had just been in my head. (Seriously, they had me questioning whether I had dreamt up the whole thing.) 

Naturally I expected them to apologize for treating me like a dirty handkerchief (best analogy I could think of) but they didn't and that threw me. I didn't know what to do at that point. Was I supposed to just forgive them irrespective of the fact they clearly didn't ask nor want my forgiveness, or was i supposed to remain hurt and wronged until such time as they came round to apologizing. (It increasingly became clear I would be waiting for this till my afro turned grey). For a long time I held on to resentment, ever ready to spew how i truly felt at them whenever they eventually came to apologize. (My pride had me thinking this day was going to come real soon.)

But then at a point I realized I was just hurting myself. I can't refuse to let go of the situation merely because they could not be mature enough to apologize and own up to their wrongs. You need to realize that in life you won't always get an apology when you're wronged. Your job is to learn to move on regardless. Don't spend your whole life waiting for an apology that may never come. You may just wake up one day realising that you've lived a bitter life holding on to the pain caused by someone who probably didn't care enough to apologize for the dastardly way they treated you.

Learn to accept the apology you never got! If you have to apologize to yourself on their behalf do so, but don't cling to pain and resentment in the hope of getting an apology that will bring closure. Create your own closure. I apologize for all the hurt and heartbreak and sleepless nights, and wounded pride you had to ensure because one ashawo bastard wanted to do baby boy(nigerian terminology there) but don't let that stop you being open and receptive to love. 

Don't forget to guard your heart guys!!