Regrets, Regrets, Regrets! Dealing with Regret!

Firstly let me apologise for my MIA  movements, I have been away too long I'm aware, but I'm hopefully back now Got a Jollof rice recipe coming up and a belated Easter post but before all of that, I wanted to make a quick post about something that's been hitting very close to home recently.




Regrets! I think this is one of the most common issues  people have to deal with and it's something I've had to deal with this past couple of weeks. Sometimes in life you do something that you wish with all your might that you could take back, something you regret and wish you hadn't done. It can range from a small thing like lying to a friend, to cheating to quitting your job to something big like killing someone. (I really hope you didn't kill anyone.) But you get the gist, some actions you take in life are irreversible and you will forever be forced to live with their consequences.

Herego, the situation I'm in now. But in the midst of my revelry( I hope I used that word right) and wallowing and wishing I could take back what I did, I came up with some thoughts that really helped me through and made me feel better about dealing with the Regrets. So I thought I would share them with you.

1. It's okay to mess up.
You're a human being and naturally by nature, human beings are fallible. You will make plenty of mistakes in your lifetime. I'm sure this wasn't the first time and believe me when I tell you it won't be the last time either, try not to beat yourself up too much.

2. Whatever was meant to happen, happened.
As Cliché as it may be, everything genuinely does happen for a reason, Nothing ever happens that wasn't supposed to, I can't tell you the reason why and you may actually never know the reason. As a matter of fact, the reason may just be that you were stupid and made a mistake but that in itself is a reason.

3. You can always learn from it.
Back to my 'big regret' again. When I got past all the being upset and what not, I actually realised that I have definitely learnt from this experience and it has definitely made me wiser for the future. Mistakes and regrets are definitely one way in which we learn, a brutal way, I'll give you that, but by God do we learn.

There are many more words I could tell you but ultimately you just have to pick yourself up and deal with the fact that what's done is done. You cannot rewind time nor sumo-dive back into the past. So leave the past where it belongs and focus on making better decisions tomorrow.

And remember, that you are never alone. Make  sure you talk to someone, nothing brought me out of the misery I was in quicker than having friends who care so much about me there to support and encourage me.

Until next time...
Blessing
xxx

I'm sorry they're not sorry!

So you're probably thinking what an odd title for this post aye?

Well the thing is often-times in life people are going to hurt you or wrong you in some way. Naturally when someone hurts or wrongs someone, the normal reaction is to apologize (whether they mean it or not is another issue) but generally when someone has been caught out in the wrong they apologize, it's just the right thing to do. Right?

Surprisingly that isn't always the case. I suppose what spurred this post is that I was thinking about this person in my recent past who HURT me like crazy. Like when I say this person hurt me, they H-U-R-T me. I wasn't just hurt though, I was humiliated, embarrassed, deceived, any more negative adjectives you can think of! Yet later when I ran into this person, they acted as if nothing had happened, they smiled and talked to me as if the past few months had just been in my head. (Seriously, they had me questioning whether I had dreamt up the whole thing.) 

Naturally I expected them to apologize for treating me like a dirty handkerchief (best analogy I could think of) but they didn't and that threw me. I didn't know what to do at that point. Was I supposed to just forgive them irrespective of the fact they clearly didn't ask nor want my forgiveness, or was i supposed to remain hurt and wronged until such time as they came round to apologizing. (It increasingly became clear I would be waiting for this till my afro turned grey). For a long time I held on to resentment, ever ready to spew how i truly felt at them whenever they eventually came to apologize. (My pride had me thinking this day was going to come real soon.)

But then at a point I realized I was just hurting myself. I can't refuse to let go of the situation merely because they could not be mature enough to apologize and own up to their wrongs. You need to realize that in life you won't always get an apology when you're wronged. Your job is to learn to move on regardless. Don't spend your whole life waiting for an apology that may never come. You may just wake up one day realising that you've lived a bitter life holding on to the pain caused by someone who probably didn't care enough to apologize for the dastardly way they treated you.

Learn to accept the apology you never got! If you have to apologize to yourself on their behalf do so, but don't cling to pain and resentment in the hope of getting an apology that will bring closure. Create your own closure. I apologize for all the hurt and heartbreak and sleepless nights, and wounded pride you had to ensure because one ashawo bastard wanted to do baby boy(nigerian terminology there) but don't let that stop you being open and receptive to love. 

Don't forget to guard your heart guys!!